We have all probably been there and eventually found something that at least partially worked to motivate our kids to complete chores and homeschool work. Can you relate?
But before you finally found something to at least have somewhat worked for you, you didn’t know what to do. I know I’ve been there.
A fellow homeschooler in our little community here asked what kind of reward system/consequences/motivations I might have used with my guys that worked for us.
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Homeschool Motivators
Work and Chore Charts
When my guys were littles, stickers on a chart for chores and “school work” were the most visual incentives we used.
They were the ones who placed them on the chart and felt so proud. The list of chores were usually in simple pictures and words underneath in a list to follow in a routine each day. And a separate Chore and School Chart were kept for stickers each week. This one is similar to the one we used. (affil.)
My guys would earn stickers for that day’s chores (give or take one that might have been forgotten, not gotten to, or momentarily placed aside because it was one of those days).
Our “clean up time” was at the end of the day right before dinner (as I was getting ready to prepare it). When my guys were younger, we would sing the clean up song together while we cleaned up together.
When they were old enough to clean up without me alongside them giving direction, we had a timer. They loved to beat the clock.
“School work” stickers were earned for completing most work and having a good attitude and for effort. There were some days that they did not earn a sticker and those became teaching moments.
(My older guy did go to kindergarten – because I wasn’t sure if my “calling” to homeschool him was for “me” and not him.) And boy, did I learn a few things. As a teacher, I was trained, just like a lot of teachers, you administrator positive and negative consequences.
And this kindergartener teacher had a basket for each child they could place a token at the end of a “good” day when they didn’t have to spoken to about anything. Am I the only one in the room that would have to be spoken to?
If a child had to be spoken to during the day, they had to take a token out of their basket. So, if it’s Monday (how many are our best on Mondays?) and you have zero tokens in your basket, you are already in a deficit. Do you see where I’m going with this?
A child that needs a bit more direction and more positive reinforcement for them to remember to go that direction will not get it with this kind of system.
Yes, my child was a busy little beaver and had his own mind and definitely had an issue with transitioning from the block station to the kitchen if he wasn’t ready to move from the block station when it was time.
So, needless to say my child suffered greatly in this system and became more and more discouraged about himself in this environment. My heart broke for him and learned a lot from this experience.
I also learned the next year, he was gifted and bored and a boy with a lot of energy. Not add or adhd. He craved a routine he could count on, thrived on a challenge, became absorbed and intent on what he found very interesting, and was an extremely “auditory” learner and was taking it all in even though it may not look like it.
All this to say – when devising your motivation system, please keep it positive and focus on what your child is doing well and what he is trying to improve on.
Noticing even the smallest gesture with praise will motivate your child to continue doing it. And he will want to continue working on others needing improvement as well.
Me
To get back to the Incentive Chart – at the end of the week, if my guys had completed their chart with a large enough percentage (I think we were around 85-90%), they earned a trip to the dollar store for a prize and a movie/pizza night on Friday night.
Sometimes, if it wasn’t a great week, there wasn’t a dollar store prize, but we usually had a movie night or movie/pizza night because we all needed a pick me up and “good togetherness time” that was just family time.
Motivating the Preteen in your Homeschool
I had to think back just a bit, because it was a little while ago that my guys were in the 9-12 years of age range – that tween period that you have either experienced or will and when it comes the first time around with your first born – it can be a shock.
The first signs came when my oldest was eleven. It took me awhile to connect the dots because I thought as a boy he might have more time. And as I grew up in a house full of girls, this was new territory for me.
Anyone else experience that? And I used to teach that age range (bk) before kids and really had no idea until I experienced it with my own kids.
So when my first born was around that age and started resembling an emotional roller coaster, I was taken a little off guard. What used to work – like Dollar Store Reward Fridays – was no longer a strong motivator. I had to assess where we were at and where could we go from here to get back on track.
So here is my response to our fellow homeschooler who was kind enough to write me! (And I want to take this opportunity to ask all of you for input and ideas of what worked for you and to please share it with us all so we can have a number of ideas from which to choose and see what works for our families.)
“Since my guys’ best time for school was first thing in the morning right after breakfast -We did school (the main subjects- language arts, math, read history together, or a language) in the morning hours.
After lunch was any science experiments or projects/crafts that related to a history study we were doing.
After that was chore time (daily type quick clean up chores). Major chores or a weekly type of chore was usually completed on Saturday morning.
Then came outdoor and fun stuff – we would just do morning subjects if we had plans for something needing more time after lunch.
The deal was for us – if chores were not completed we did not do the afternoon activity or if they were slow to complete the chores we would be late or have to cancel.
The afternoon activity was the “prize” since the dollar store type prizes we had (on Fridays for a good week) were too lame for their ages.
I would ask them what kind of things they would like to do and add a few suggestions – for us it usually involved going somewhere outdoors (free) or a free or cheap museum (and occasionally I have to admit a real treat was a slushie, icee, or a cheap sweet)
Getting input from them on incentives gave me insight into them – some of their ideas, of course, had to be steered toward another direction and within my budget and capabilities, but we found some they enjoyed.
We had nearby parks or trails, or fisheries, nature centers, old historic places to investigate, ponds or lakes with nets in hand to explore. Just something new and to get us out of the house.
The other part of the deal was we had a designated time for television or video games or other electronics from 5-6 or 6-7 depending on our day that they had to earn as well.
No chores done equaled no electronic privilege that night. It wasn’t 100% fool-proof, but a couple of evenings of just missing that one hour would prove too much and they’d complete their chores to get it back.
It was a win win for me – because while they would spend that hour or two (if they swapped and took turns with the game) depending on the type of activities we had that day, that downtime for me was what I needed.
I would have quiet time in the kitchen to make dinner and play some music in the background to allow me time to relax and unwind. (My husband travelled a lot – so that time was precious to me to be able to get to the bedtime hour.)
So, I guess our method was a combination of incentives as well as taking away privileges. Now that they were entering those adolescent years, the negative consequence of losing a privilege for not contributing as they should to our family was more effective than if they were younger and still trying to build good habits.
It didn’t always guarantee the desire outcome but when they figured they had missed out on enough, they would get themselves in gear.
What to do When Motivation isn’t Enough
I already mentioned the negative consequence of losing privileges. But if losing a privilege once in a while isn’t enough to correct a course of behavior and habit, we put aside school work and focused on “personal or character development”, which included being pinned to my side.
Now, when my guys were rising adolescents, they got to know the term “work detail”. This involved working side by side with mom and following orders and completing tasks to my specifications to completion.
Along the way, I would find times during those tasks where I would be able to give sincere recognition of his efforts and results of those tasks.
There was a time, I also included a special Bible study for one son during a challenging time on the book of Proverbs written for his preteen age so we could discuss specific character attributes that we wanted to develop. I love this book! (affil.)
I found that times of one on one, working side by side and recognition for a job well done put us back on course. Sometimes it was more than one or two days of work detail, but not much longer. Then we would go back to our regular school routine.
During the teen years, there were times where a privilege was revoked because of poor attitude. Or “work detail” or as we started calling it, “contributing back to the family in a positive way” was an independent endeavor instead of pinned to mom. They found this a rather unpleasant experience and decided it was better to just “contribute to the family in a positive way” from the beginning instead of having to take the other route.
As my guys got older, they were in the habit of completing their work on their own with may be a nudge or reminder of something. But, for the most part, with all of our early training, it became internal motivation as opposed to external. So, by the time they went off to college they expected it of themselves and wanted to complete what was expected.
Motivation Ideas from Other Homeschoolers
Was this at all helpful? I hope so.
Update: Since posting this on my blog, I came across this post on another blog suggesting non-monetary rewards. Maybe you will find something in this list that will motivate your family if you choose to use a reward system:
http://loveandmarriageblog.com/kids-chore-rewards-no-money/
This was such a great question and I’ve seen other moms on face book groups and the like express similar “challenges.”
Please share your ideas and experiences with all of us in the comments box below. And thanks for your input in advance!
